From memories to lessons

What a day to be alive! 1,000 whole days alcohol free doesn’t seem like that long until I put it all in perspective.

For 1,000 days I have chosen to feel my feelings and accept and embrace my existence on this Earth. Up until a few years ago, I imagined that before being born, God and I were holding a conversation in which its energy was asking me “ok, you ready?”, and despite me maybe saying “ehh, I don’t know about this”, its energy gently pushed me from a mountain top propelling me to come out my mother’s womb.

I have never been resentful for existing, but for a reallyyyyy long time, I didn’t think I was supposed to be here. Along the way, I have learned to love the space between who I currently am (at any given moment), and the person I am becoming. Always becoming – this work never ends.

I have done so much work in the last 1,000 days and though I am able to not run away from myself or others, I continue to realize that a conscious life requires we are conscious most times. Being self-aware has taken a whole new meaning for me.

Self-awareness is not noticing every single thought or word before we think or speak it. Self-awareness is being able to consciously hear the thought and the words and say “hm. That’s interesting. I wonder why I think, feel, act that way” followed by detached (no judgement) observation. Way easier written or said than done, but not impossible to do.

Every day, I am curious about life, others and myself.

Along the way, I’ll share why I chose to stop drinking and how I did it, but for today, I am enjoying this space I am in.

Today, I honor my parts. A part of me woke up grateful. Another part of me woke up feeling grief. I constantly feel this cycle of rebirth and death and there is a beautiful and inexplicable melancholy involved in this process.

Signing off 1,000 days sober, a 1,000 days truly alive,

Seshat