From memories to lessons

I did not hear from Teddy for almost a month, and I was crushed… Continuation from Remembering: 2020 Intro to the Love Edition

In March 2020, the pandemic was in full effect – in Hawai’i , one could not even sit on the sand at the beach; Beaches were open for swimming only. For about 3 weeks, I kept going back to the grocery store, hoping I ran into Teddy. One day, I got the courage to ask the cashier, “hey, where has the store manager been?”, the cashier smiled and said “Teddy? He has been sick” My heart settled, and my breath returned to normal. I thought , “ok, it’s not like he’s blowing me off”, so I chilled. A few more days passed, and I drowned in work to not feel the fear of this man possibly never calling me.

I decided to go swimming after work on a Saturday morning. It was my father’s birthday and I had arranged to be on video call with my family in Florida at a very specific time. I timed my swim, a trip to the grocery store and back home for the call perfectly. I went to the grocery store, did some shopping and as I was on my way out, Teddy bumped into me and my heart dropped when the only thing out of his mouth was “I am sorry – excuse me” as he proceeded to walk past me. I froze. I swallowed hard, held my tears and practically ran to the car.

At this point, I am in full heart-break mode, you know when you are so disappointed you feel it in your stomach? That’s the feeling I had. I cried. I called my mom and I am sure in the moment it made no sense to her, but I kept saying things along the lines of being done with love. I was sure this man is my one and he hadn’t called and was now ignoring me. Since the world doesn’t revolve around me (thank GOD!), my mom said “If he is really the one, he’ll call”. My 10 year old came out to play as I said “Nah-uh, he’s not going to call”. I got through my father’s virtual celebration. I cried some more, smoked the devil’s lettuce in my bathroom, and went to sleep.

I woke up a few hours later and to my surprise, Teddy had reached out. He called me, left me a message, I called him back and left him a message. Oh man, I still remember all the dance moves I performed that night. I was so giddy. We connected via texts the very next day, exchanged some basic info and determined we both wanted to go on a date like yesterday. I asked him for his favorite coffee drink and offered to bring him coffee for a date at the park (it was his day off so I was being mindful of him probably wanting to sleep in and not stress too much). I showed up to the park with his iced americano, with a splash of almond milk, no sugar and no whip, and my mint tea. He stood up from the bench as I was approaching. I intentionally started walking slower – in that moment, I knew I was walking towards the love of my life.

We talked and shared silence for about 2 hours. I was very honest with him and told him I was not ready to end the date, and also understood it was his only day off for the week. He starred into my soul and said “I am not ready to go either. We should drive around the island since everything is closed“, I obviously (and very gladly) agreed. We walk to his car, he opens up my door, and at this point, the realization that my life will never be the same starts settling in. I took so many deep breaths. I knew he was my one, but I had no idea if he knew yet. I kept coming back to my breath and telling myself “It’s okay. We have all the time in the world, it’s okay V”. We drove through the island, stopping to grab some lunch at the North Shore. Since we couldn’t sit on the sand, we opted for the next best thing ,park in front of the beach and eat. As I am taking my seatbelt off and reaching for the straws I had just placed in the pocket on the door, this man grabs my right arm and says “Hey”, as I turned around, he kissed me for the first time and I foooorrrrr sure thought I had died and gone to heaven.

We enjoyed our lunch, giggled a lot and held hands. On the way back to town, Teddy’s mom called and he picked up the phone. He let her know right away that she was on speaker and that he was on a date. His mom replied “On a date? We are in the middle of a pandemic!”. She then told him that she was calling to let him know she had made some food and he was more than welcome to pass by to grab some. Once they hung up, I told Teddy “you know, your mom’s dish sounded really good. You think you can save me some of that food when you go pick it up?” and suddenly, this man made a complete u-turn without saying a word, I asked him “what happened, where are we going?” and he said, “we are going together to pick the food up from my parent’s house.”

A million thoughts were running through my head. I can hear my grandmother’s voice telling me, “I heard you, nena, I heard you”. Once we got to his parent’s house, my heart again dropped when his father came out and said “Bear, you are home” (the significance of Bear is coming up on another post). We then spent about an hour with this parents, we got to briefly know each other and I settled into the feeling that I was sitting in front of my new family.

After being dropped off home, bear and I made plans to see each other again. The very next day, he swung by my house to bring me flowers. On the third day, he introduced me to his roommates and his very best friend, Darth; a week later I was sleeping over, and about a month later he asked proposed I moved in. I have consented and participated to have this man’s love wash over me allowing me to heal and grow. With this man by my side, I have faced things I hid from for a really long time. Our love story is a growth story. We have gone through very dark nights together and we continue to show up for ourselves and each other.

Four years later and with this man by my side, I have learned that there is purpose in the delay. I have remembered that things are always happening how they should. This man was my grandmother’s second biggest gift (the first being my own mother). With a manifestation of love like this, it is absolutely impossible to not believe in divine guidance or guardian angels.

My 2020 will forever be one of my favorite years.

Signing off blessed and absolutely & unequivocally in love,

Stella (one of Bear’s nicknames for me)