From memories to lessons

Today, I woke up and spent an hr. reflecting on four years ago. I am filled with gratitude and amazement. Some information is needed for context, and I’ll try my very best to weave this info in as I go.

February 2020 was a difficult month. I heard my grandmother’s voice for the last time and flew to Florida to grieve and celebrate her journey out of this realm. During my alone time with her shell, I had these really intense requests and cries for help. Deep in me, I knew she’d be the one to help me from above. Though my list was lengthy, my focus was on two areas of my life: love and career.

This is the love edition.

When I returned to Hawai’i from Florida, I went about my life, but things this time felt different. My regular routine of work, grocery store, hookah & MJ smoking alone in my apt’s bathroom felt very temporary. The days following my return, the pandemic talk increased, and things were changing fast. There’s was a day I was feeling really good for no particular reason, so I decided to leave work an hour earlier and go to the grocery store I frequented. As I am entering the store, I took notice of this really tall man talking to the employees of the deli . As I walked past him, I caught a glimpse of him looking my way. His laughter and voice slowly faded behind me as I went on my way.

As I put my items on the cashier’s belt, I looked up and there he was, the face of the tall man facing me as he stood behind the customers’ service counter. I nervously smiled as he starred at me – faint smile, intense eyes – it was all a little intimidating. Once the cashier started ringing my items, I asked her if I can buy a pack of backwoods, she stopped scanning for a second, looked up and said “Yes. You can get them from the counter and come back”. “Well, of course I have to get them from the counter, here we go”, I thought. As I approached and greeted this man, neither of us broke eye contact during our minute long interaction. I got my backwoods, wished him a good day and walked back to the cashier. As I left the store, we exchanged smiles and said bye.

I couldn’t get this man out of my mind. I asked grandma for guidance, for a sign and ooh, she delivered. On my next trip to the store (a few days later), I ran into tall man again. He was handling some merchandise and lost in his own world, I think I must have said “Hi” like 10 different times, and he was so focused, he did not hear me. On the 11th, try, I stepped into my secure self and said louder “Hey, its good to see you again” – this time he noticed and we held a whole 30 second interaction. At this point, restrictions due to pandemic were in place, so I would let all kupuna (elderly), go before me at check out.

Necessary context for what follows: I have a very dark and at times inappropriate sense of humor. Things that would normally offend others, often, make me laugh.

I let this kupuna go in front of me, and he expressed his gratitude. In exchange, he began talking about him being a heart surgeon and in his 80’s. He shared he spoke many different languages and was divorced multiple times. I nodded , chuckled, and spoke when appropriate. I was listening to this man go on, but I wasn’t fully in the moment, I was eyeing the tall guy behind the counter. As the cashier finished up ringing the kupuna, he snaps me out of my trance and says, “listen, I have been married so many times, at this point, I am looking for fun. Here’s my card, call me if you are horny.” His words took a minute to sink in and when they did, I starred at him and let out this very sincere, deep-belly laughter. When I looked up, my guy was no longer behind the counter, and I wasn’t preoccupied because I was now enjoying the moment and crying laughing.

As I left the store the insight from abuela came – If this man in his 80’s had the guts to say that and hand you his card, why are you holding back from giving your phone number to the tall guy? I put my groceries in the car, ran inside of the store and left a note with someone else behind the counter for the “tall guy” . The young woman in the store smiled and said “His name is Teddy, he’s the store manager and I’ll give him your note after he comes back from break.”

I didn’t hear from Teddy for almost a month and I was crushed.

To be continued…